I lied there in the dark. Everything was quiet except for a faint ringing that seemed to be coming from all around me. I was warm and I felt sedated. I didn’t know if I could move from where I was, but I didn’t want to anyway. I didn’t even know where I was, but I didn’t care at the moment. I blinked for what seemed like an eternity. My eyes finally re-opened and it was still very dark. The ringing was getting louder now, and slightly more distinct. It had turned into a crackle more than a ringing, and it was making me curious. I wanted to find the noise.
I shut my eyes so that I could try harder to concentrate on the noise. I don’t think it got any darker when my eyelids met, but I could hear more. There was a new noise accompanying the high-pitched ring. I closed my eyes tighter and I heard it. It sounded a little like boiling water. It was definitely water. Maybe something was leaking. I got tired from squeezing my eyes closed so I relaxed. It actually was a little brighter with them open, but I still couldn’t see much. I wondered where I was.
* * * * *
We always walked home together to our houses across the street from each other on Ridge Road, everyday since fifth grade when our mothers allowed us to walk home from school. It was now eighth grade and Sasha and I were still best friends. I always thought Sasha was beautiful, but never as anything more than a friend. She had the most gorgeous eyes I had ever seen on a girl. They were green and brown and very natural looking. Her brown hair was always perfect and always provided the perfect frame for the rest of her face. She had big lips that always seemed to curl into a caring smile all the time.
We were walking home one particular day when it started to rain. We decided to stop and talk in the dugouts at the baseball field until the rainstorm passed. We could always talk for hours, about the guys and girls in our grade, our teachers, and most of the time just life in general. On this day, we were talking about the boyfriends and girlfriends in our classes and who liked who, and who did what. It became apparent that kissing was the new phase for kids our age. I was fresh out of the “cooties” stage, so I had no experience in the subject. Sasha had no experience either, and for some reason, even though we were best friends, I always got the feeling like she wanted to kiss me.
We got to talking about it and what it must feel like and what you have to do. I felt comfortable talking with Sasha about it because we had been friends forever. I was looking up, raising one eyebrow trying to image a kiss when I saw Sasha slide herself closer to me on the dugout bench. I felt my face turn brick red and my stomach knotted itself when she suggested that we try kissing. She put one of her hands in my sweaty palm and pulled me close to her. We closed our eyes right before my dry mouth met her strawberry lips.
* * * * *
I tried really hard to concentrate on the sound. It was beginning to sound like a broken violin and somebody crumpling a brown paper lunch bag. It was becoming an effort to keep my eyelids apart. There was a blurry light all around me that seemed to be gradually getting brighter. I couldn’t find a specific point to focus on. The louder the noise got and the brighter the light got, I became more aware. I felt like I was somewhere I shouldn’t have been, and I desperately wanted to leave. I started to feel the rest of my body, and all it felt like was pins and needles. I wanted to know why I couldn’t move.
Suddenly a drop of water hit my face. I must have just regained feeling in my face, because the drops started coming at a regular rate. Almost effortlessly I connected the sound of water to the drops on my face; it must be raining. The moment I associated the two, the sound of rain became so clear that I don’t know how I confused it. One of the raindrops dripped into the crevice between my lips. I could feel my lips, and using all the energy I could, I pried them open and put my tongue between them momentarily, tasting the rain. I wished I knew were I was. I wanted it to keep raining because I could feel it.
* * * * *
Sasha’s parents were out for the night, so Sasha was left to baby-sit her four-year-old brother. We were both juniors in high school now. It was a spring night and the air was moist and thick. I made my way across the street and let myself in the backdoor of her house. I found Sasha in the kitchen topping off two glasses of Pino Grigio. She turned around and was startled. She looked amazing. She was wearing a white tank top and a pair of short gym shorts. Her hair was pushed back with a thin headband, showing every inch of her beautiful face. We kissed and she handed me my glass of wine and we took the bottle upstairs to her room.
Upon entering her room, she flung open a set of doors that led to her balcony, allowing the warm breeze to breathe through her room. There were already half a dozen candles lit in her room, and when she extinguished the lights, shadows danced on the walls. She moved around her room as if she was in a musical. Every movement was so fluid and graceful.
I looked out of the balcony doorway into the cloudy sky just as it started to rain. Sasha came and stood under my arm and we watched the rain together for a few minutes. As it started to come down harder, she looked up at me without moving her head, seducing me instantly. She took my wine glass and placed it gently with hers next to the alarm clock on her nightstand. She sat on her bed and motioned for me to come near her. My body was radiating heat from nervousness. She took my hands and pulled me onto the bed, clutching my shirt and forcing my lips against hers. A cloud burst and the rain poured passionately into the night.
* * * * *
I was going in and out of consciousness. My body was soaked, and I could feel enough to know that I couldn’t move. The sound of pouring rain was deafening me and I could hear the static of a bad radio signal. There were spots of bright light in the midst of my blurry vision, but still nothing I could focus on. The rain was seeping into me. I was starting to get worried as I realized I should be able to move. I told my brain to move my arm, and I went from feeling a cold numbness to a burning pain. I quickly relaxed but my arm continued to pulsate with pain. Rather than try the same experiment with the rest of my body, I just closed my eyes and tried to think.
I wished I knew what happened. I tried to remember something before now. My head hurt and I had no clear memory of anything. The rain continued to fall on my face and concentrating on the raindrops seemed to take away from pain I was now experiencing. The radio static was starting to bother me and the lights were getting brighter and brighter before disappearing, only to be replaced by more lights. Everything hurt. Another sound entered the mix, a droning high-pitched sound.
It hit me. The sounds, the pain, the light, the rain, the numbness, it all came together. I started to panic and tried desperately to move every muscle in my body. My efforts were met only by excruciating pain and discomfort. I was stuck. I was pinned to the driver’s seat of my car. The sound of the rain was stronger than ever and I could hear the sound of cars swishing by. The sirens were getting closer. Despite getting results contradictory to what I wanted, I continued to struggle. I could feel pieces of glass and metal all over my body. The rain I tasted on my lips now tasted like blood and tears.
The sirens started to fade. The lights started to get dimmer. The crackling started to become a soft buzz. The pain turned into numbness and I stopped struggling.
* * * * *
I picked up Sasha a few minutes late because it was raining. She looked gorgeous. She was wearing a dark green strapless dress that made her eyes look radiant. We kissed, and for the first time in a long time, I got butterflies in my stomach. I took a deep breath and walked her under an umbrella to my car. I opened the passenger side door and helped her in, shutting the door carefully behind her. As I made my way back around to the driver side, I nervously kept touching the ring box in the depths of my pocket. My palms were sweating and I could feel my heart beating in every part of my body. The night was perfect.
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